Setting Boundaries is Essential if You are a People-Pleaser

Written by Graham Gallivan

Being in a long-term, lasting relationship is considered a significant life goal. It can be deeply fulfilling and rewarding for us as social beings.

For people pleasers, however, this loving relationship can become a source of exhaustion. You naturally want to put your partner up on a pedestal and prioritize their needs, wants, and happiness above your own.

In doing this, it is easy to lose sight of your own needs, or worse, your identity. This is where setting boundaries becomes an essential practice. Learning how to establish and maintain healthy boundaries not only preserves self-respect but also creates a deeper connection with your partner.

Preserves Your Identity

People pleasers are at a high risk of losing themselves in relationships. Your knack for prioritizing your partner's needs can come at a cost to your own.

Establishing boundaries can help you keep a line of communication with the things you value, your interests, and your unique identity. A partnership forms from two individuals coming together. Once in said partnership, there should still be two functioning individuals.

Prevents Resentment

As a people pleaser, you become accustomed to saying yes to things. You try to avoid conflict, and you aim to make your partner happy. Sometimes this comes at significant costs.

This constant yes mentality can lead you down a path where you feel unappreciated and taken for granted. Establishing boundaries allows you to say no. When you do say yes or take on responsibility, it is because you want to, not because you feel obligated.

These boundaries help reduce the risk of developing resentment towards your partner or the situation in the long run.

Encourages Honest Communication

Your relationship will go through different phases as you transition into the many seasons of life. How you start your relationship is rarely the way the dynamic will be as time passes.

Boundaries create windows of opportunity to have open and honest communication about your changing needs and expectations. They develop guidelines for maintaining trust in each other and deepening their emotional intimacy.

Protects Your Mental Health

As an individual and as one half of the couple, you may start to feel overwhelmed and emotionally drained. You'll expend a great deal of energy trying to ensure everyone else is happy and conflict is avoided.

When you implement boundaries, you can build a safeguard around your energy bank. You limit how much energy goes into each life bucket, and you can close off areas that don't serve you. This practice can help reduce burnout and improve your overall quality of life.

Creates Mutual Respect

As much as boundaries are a way for you to practice self-respect and conserve your identity, they also provide guidance for your partner to do the same. They'll teach you how to treat each other. They improve your resilience and deepen your connection.

Steps to Set Healthy Boundaries

Reflect on Your Needs

Take a step back and reflect on the areas of your relationship that are making you feel resentful, unappreciated, or uncomfortable. These are the areas you need to focus on when implementing boundaries.

Start Small

You won't be able to fix everything overnight. It's best to start small with lower stake boundaries. To start, get comfortable saying 'no' to build more confidence.

Be Consistent

Boundary setting is a great practice, but it won't be effective if you're not consistent in enforcing it. It can be easy to want to let your partner slide if they don't adhere to what you've implemented. Don't send mixed signals. Have the conversation if and when your partner isn't giving you what you need.

Seek Support

Boundary setting is not always easy or comfortable in a relationship. Speaking with a therapist is a great way to help navigate through the emotions of setting boundaries. If you're experiencing challenges with people-pleasing behaviors or within your relationship, reach out to me to explore your options.

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