How to Explain Depression and Anxiety to Your Partner

Written By Graham Gallivan

Imagine being in a supportive relationship with your partner, finding success in your career, and things appear to be falling into place, yet on the inside, you’re struggling with your mental health. Trying to make sense of things can be difficult for you.

Trying to describe depression and anxiety to a person who has never lived with it…now that’s a whole different obstacle. It’s like telling a snowstorm to someone who has never lived where there’s snow. It can be hard for them to grasp what you’re saying fully.

Opening up about your mental health struggles requires courage and vulnerability. When explaining this to your partner, it’s essential to find the right words and have honest communication so you can receive the support you need.

Choose the Right Moment

When it comes to this type of conversation, choosing the right moment can make all the difference. It’s sensitive information, so you want to find a time when both of you are calm and can be present.

Avoid bringing it up after an argument, when you’re going to be rushed to get through the discussion, or when you’re in a public space. It’s also helpful to give your partner a heads-up that you have something meaningful you’d like to talk about so they can mentally prepare.

Use Your Experience

Most people have a general or basic understanding of what depression and anxiety are, so you could skip giving your partner a clinical definition. Instead, start by describing what your experience with depression or anxiety has been. What does it feel like for you? What challenges are you having because of it?

Depression may make it difficult to get out of bed in the morning. Anxiety may cause you to think about worst-case scenarios in certain situations. Be specific with your examples, especially if they’ve been affecting your partner. Have you been distant lately because of your depression? Reassure your partner that it isn’t about them.

Offer Clarification

Once you open up about your struggles, your partner will likely want to jump in and help. Even more likely, they probably won’t know how to do that.

Be direct about ways they can support you and clear about what that looks like. Are check-ins helpful? Is a designated alone time needed for you to regroup? Do you just need company during difficult moments?

You’ll also want to note what doesn’t help you. The best intentions can have horrible execution. If pep talks or advice-giving don’t help, tell them. If constantly being asked what is wrong triggers your anxiety more, say so.

Address Any Misconceptions

Mental health conditions are commonly misunderstood or downplayed in our society. If you notice your partner has any misconceptions, gently correct them. They can only support you properly when they understand.

Depression goes beyond just being sad. It involves altered brain chemistry, drained energy, clouded cognition, and reduced motivation.

Anxiety goes beyond worrying about things. There’s a physiological stress response involved that is difficult to control.

Reassure them that neither of these conditions reflects a lack of feelings for them.

Invite Ongoing Dialogue

After you share about your experience with depression or anxiety, the process doesn’t end there. Allow them the time and space to process this information. But be open about this being an ongoing conversation. Either of these conditions can be situational and can require further discussion at later points.

Encourage them to ask any questions they may have to better support you on an ongoing basis. Be patient if they don’t immediately grasp your situation. Learning is a process, and it takes time.

Seeking Professional Support

Couples counseling can be a great avenue if talking with your partner feels overwhelming, or if previous attempts have not gone smoothly. Individual therapy may also create space to explore your experience further and to develop a plan for speaking with your partner. Schedule a consultation to explore how I can help you find the support you deserve.

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